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cold_n_wet
Member Since: 05 May 2009
Location: Bergen
Posts: 1509
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know, but you know deserves it.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.
I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying
'Hello.'
I politely said,
'This is Chris.
Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f***ing number!'
and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude!
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her,
I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an asshole!'
and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks,
when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an asshole!'
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced,
I thought my theraputic 'asshole'
calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said,
'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'
He yelled
'NO!'
and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said,
'That's because you're an asshole!'
and hung up.
One day I was at the store,
getting ready to pull into a parking Spot.
Some guy in a black BMW
cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.
I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.
I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later,
right after calling the first asshole
(I had his number on speed dial,)
I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said ,
'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'
!
He said,
'Yes, it is.'
I then asked,
'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said,
'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax It's a yellow ranch style house and the car's parked right out in front.'
I asked,
'What's your name?'
He said,
'My name is Don Hansen,'
I asked,
'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'
He said,
'I'm home every evening after five.'
I said,
'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'
He said,
'Yes?'
I said,
'Don, you're an asshole!'
Then I hung up,
and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem,
I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea...
I called asshole #1.
He said,
'Hello.'
I said,
'You're an asshole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)
He asked,
'Are you still there?'
I said,
'Yeah!'
He screamed,
'Stop calling me,'
I said,
'Make me,'
He asked,
'Who are you?'
I said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said,
'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said,
'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax , a yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.'
He said,
'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said,
'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,'
and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2.
He said,
'Hello?'
I said,
'Hello, asshole,'
He yelled,
'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said,
'You'll what?'
He exclaimed,
'I'll kick your ass,'
I answered,
'Well, asshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now..'
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 7 News
about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax
I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really does work
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 26th Jun 2009 12:20 pm |
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~Rich~
Member Since: 16 Mar 2009
Location: Sydney
Posts: 627
  
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My Anger Management would be a lot better with a smaller font and less space to think!  2005 TDV6 HSE Silver, LLAMS Height Controller, Tinted Glass, Onroad - 19" GG AT's, Offroad - 18" 275/65 MT, Traxside Dual Battery kit, Rasta Protection Plate, Alpine Roof, BAS Remap, ARB Air Compressor, eDiff  Custom Drawer and storage unit -http://www.box.com/s/jem0ilac3cner2mexq64 UHF CB, 4x4 Intellegence RWC, 120ltr Long range tank, Rock Sliders and Compressor protection plate Beanie grill, De Tango.
Last edited by ~Rich~ on 26th Jun 2009 12:27 pm. Edited 1 time in total
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| 26th Jun 2009 12:22 pm |
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SJR
Member Since: 09 Aug 2006
Location: East Manchester
Posts: 4030
 
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  I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Buzz Aldrin (1930 -
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| 26th Jun 2009 12:24 pm |
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dick dastardly
Member Since: 29 May 2007
Location: wiggleigh bottom
Posts: 1112
 
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revenge is built in to life. you dont have to kill anyone because that would deprive them the delights of old age. There's one wheel on my wagon, but i'm still rollin' along, it's the cherokee, they're after me, but I'm singing a happy song
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| 26th Jun 2009 10:19 pm |
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The Large One
Member Since: 20 Apr 2007
Location: Down the polytunnel
Posts: 6143
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brilliant TLO has left the building.......
I no longer work for a Landrover Dealer
My little chilli sauce business http://www.thechillees.co.uk
if you would like to order anything just give me a shout
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| 26th Jun 2009 10:33 pm |
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White Disco
Member Since: 15 Jan 2007
Location: Gondwana. It's raining. We'll All be roon'd.
Posts: 1463
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Very good.
I need anger managment RIGHT NOW (giving up the evil weed because of some platinum parts that have been/ will be installed into my heart) as my family are suffering Mr Grumpy at his worse. (although it's getting better/ easier each day).
Reminds me of a time outside work (having an evil smoke) when an Australian chav sprinted from one lane to another (with less cars in it, whilst waiting for the traffic lights to change) in his Subaru. His turbo dump valve spurted off, obviously to atmosphere (illegal here) instead of to the exhaust system, right in front of two plodders. Plod pulled him over to put an unroadworthy defect on the car. The car was for sale and had his mobile number in the back window. Could not help myself. Had to ring it. I asked him (while plod was booking him) "Do you have a Subaru WRX for sale?".
"Yes" he said.
"Oh good" I replied "Is it roadworthy?" He hung up (ignorant little  )
I enjoyed that. Did you think I would leave you crying,
When there's room in my D3 for 7,
Climb in here Joe we'll soon be flying,
I can go just as fast with 7.
2005 TDV6 S with Terrain Response (& all that entails), Tasmods (gorn). 2008 TDV6 HSE (gone). A Dark Side umbrella (here) & car (here).
Volkswagen Golf (SWMBO's)
Datsun Insult (SWTSMBOBIO22SHOMSAH)
Datsun Insult (SWTSMBOBIO19SHOMSAH)
4 BMW's (Stents, not the silly cars)
Formerly RED DISCO
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| 3rd Jul 2009 3:29 am |
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