The first time I heard about paraprosdokians, I liked them.
Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence, or phrase, is surprising or unexpected, and is frequently humorous. (Sir Winston Churchill loved them).
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ... but it's still on my to do list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify..." I answered "a doctor."
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
18. I thought about asking God for a V8 Defender 110, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I'll steal one and ask for forgiveness.
NJSSAm I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.
2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
Feel free to add your favourite paraprosdokians like these:-
19. Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, you will be a mile away and he won’t have any shoes.
20. Always swim or dive with a friend. It reduces your chance of shark attack by 50%.
21. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
22. If I had a pound for every woman that found me unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
NJSSAm I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.
2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
28th Jul 2020 4:22 pm
Roverlike
Member Since: 27 Feb 2018
Location: Split
Posts: 72
I like this .... a lot!
28th Jul 2020 5:03 pm
Brian_DL13
Member Since: 25 Aug 2013
Location: Teesdale
Posts: 1418
23. Am I "Woke" ? - obviously, or I wouldn't be typing this
NigelAm I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.
2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
can't decide between 2 and 4 as to which is my favourite
29th Jul 2020 6:39 am
Oswiperus D3 Decade
Member Since: 02 Apr 2010
Location: Chelmsford, Essex
Posts: 1600
Very good! Stu
2016 D4 Landmark current
2022 Defender D300 SE Gone
D4 2014 XS Commercial - Gone
D4 2016 hse lux montalcino red - Gone
D3 2005 se java black - current
D3 2005 base manual - gone
D2 1999 TD5 E white - current
25. Your argument is sound, just sound, lots of sound.
26. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
NJSSAm I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.
2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
Last edited by NJSS on 29th Jul 2020 9:58 am. Edited 1 time in total
29th Jul 2020 8:45 am
pwheeldon
Member Since: 14 Jan 2020
Location: West Yorks
Posts: 1505
Number 4 is my favourite.
24. My mistake, your fault.Discovery 4 GS 2009 Auto Stornoway Grey
Discovery 3 s 2005 Auto Bonatti Grey Gone
Discovery 3 SE 2005 Manual Zambezi Silver Gone
Range Rover Sport HSE 2006 Black
Aston Martin DB7 VV
29th Jul 2020 9:20 am
Charliecloud
Member Since: 31 Jul 2014
Location: Tonbridge
Posts: 980
28. Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
29. Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.
30. I miss my ex so often, I really need a laser sight.
31. The last time I was someone’s type, I was donating bloodAm I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.
2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
29th Jul 2020 12:27 pm
Heath_DA
Member Since: 05 Aug 2009
Location: Stockport
Posts: 667
Some more for you
32. Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin
33. I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
34. Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement
35. The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
36. Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint
37. My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe
38. My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying
39. I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap
40. Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you
41. Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out
42. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere
43. Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year2016 D4 SDV6 Landmark (Gone)
2013 D4 SDV6 HSE Lux (Gone)
2011 D4 SDV6 HSE (Gone)
2008 D3 HSE (Gone)
2005 D3 HSE (Gone)
29th Jul 2020 1:02 pm
robsmith
Member Since: 02 Sep 2007
Location: Staffordshire
Posts: 2401
36 - applies to so many other forms of public speaking (and just about every radio so-called DJ around these days)Rob Smith
Silver rools OK
29th Jul 2020 5:07 pm
amazing
Member Since: 05 Mar 2011
Location: chengdu
Posts: 1542
Steve Write
the early bird gets the worm, the second mouse gets the cheese.It is better to have and not need it then need and not have it.
30th Jul 2020 1:49 am
Froogle-Yorkshireman
Member Since: 28 Oct 2010
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 302
45. I sleep eight hours a day and at least ten at night
46. Work fascinates me, I spend hours looking at it
47. The difference between stupidity and genius is genius has its limits
48. Nostalgia isn't as good as it used to be
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I like this .... a lot!
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