Member Since: 07 Apr 2014
Location: Here
Posts: 13377
Ah, the classics are doing the rounds! Visiting from rrsport.co.uk
2012 RRS SDV6
2008 RRS TDV8
"When you fire that first shot, no matter how right you feel, you have no idea who's going to die! You don't know who's children are going to scream and burn. How many hearts will be broken. How many lives shattered. How much blood will spill, until everybody does what they were always going to have to do from the very beginning: SIT DOWN AND TALK!"
I'm expecting the dead birds on the M25 joke coming round again soon .
Dean
====================================
2011 D4 XS - OBD port protection, RLD spare wheel protector, All LED interiors lights, Timed Climate enabled, iiD tool paired.
2011 D4 Landmark - Stolen from same dealer before I paid for it
2011 D4 GS - Stolen whilst at dealer ... All LED interiors lights, DRLs, Spare Wheel protector.
1996 300Tdi - Eaten by tin worms
11th Jul 2024 3:47 pm
defector
Member Since: 23 Feb 2009
Location: Greater Manchester
Posts: 1444
I thought it was the M4?
Still makes me laugh.
11th Jul 2024 3:57 pm
Paul J.
Member Since: 09 Dec 2005
Location: Leafy Cheshire
Posts: 7473
Around 2005, the Queen and her Personal Protection Officer, Dick Griffin, were walking alone one afternoon in the hills near the Scottish royal castle, Balmoral.
Two tourists approached them, and engaged in conversation.
Griffin recalls:
There were two hikers coming towards us, and the Queen would always stop and say hello.
They were two Americans on a walking holiday.
It was clear from the moment we stopped that they hadn't recognized the Queen, which was fine.
The American gentleman was telling the Queen where they came from, where they were going next, and where they'd been in Britain.
I could see it coming, and sure enough, he said to Her Majesty: 'And where do you live?'
She replied: 'Well I live in London, but I've got a holiday home just the other side of the hills.'
He said: 'How long have you been coming up here?'
She replied: 'I've been coming up here ever since I was a little girl, so over 80 years.'
You could see the cogs whirring, so he said: 'Well, if you've been coming up here for over 80 years, you must have met the Queen.'
Quick as a flash, she said: 'I haven't, but Dick here meets her regularly.'
The hiker then asked Griffin what the monarch was like in person.
"Because I was with her a long time, and I knew I could pull her leg, I said: 'Oh, she can be very cantankerous at times, but she's got a lovely sense of humour.'
The next thing I knew, this guy comes round, puts his arm around my shoulder, and before I could see what was happening, he gets his camera, GIVES IT TO THE QUEEN, and says: 'Can you take a picture of the two of us?'
Then we swapped places, and I TOOK A PICTURE OF THEM WITH THE QUEEN.
And we never let on, and we waved goodbye.
Afterwards, Her Majesty said to me: 'I'd love to be a fly on the wall when he shows those photographs to his friends in America, and hopefully someone tells him who I am'."
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
SWMBO walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing."
The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?"
At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion:
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case. Time for another beer. Then maybe a nap.
10th Aug 2024 10:22 am
Paul J.
Member Since: 09 Dec 2005
Location: Leafy Cheshire
Posts: 7473
2011 D4 XS - OBD port protection, RLD spare wheel protector, All LED interiors lights, Timed Climate enabled, iiD tool paired.
2011 D4 Landmark - Stolen from same dealer before I paid for it
2011 D4 GS - Stolen whilst at dealer ... All LED interiors lights, DRLs, Spare Wheel protector.
1996 300Tdi - Eaten by tin worms
A little girl was leaning into a lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, all under the eyes of her screaming parents:
A biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A BBC reporter, Laura Kuenssberg, had watched the whole event.
Laura, addressing the Harley rider says. "Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.”
The Harley rider replies. "Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”
Miss Kuenssberg. "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a BBC journalist, you know and tomorrow's news will run this story. So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?”
The biker replies. "I'm a British Army veteran, a Conservative and I voted for Brexit.”
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker turns on BBC News to see if it indeed brings news of his actions.
BBC (DT, too nowadays) Headline::-
RIGHT WING UK VETERAN ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH.
20th Aug 2024 1:56 pm
defector
Member Since: 23 Feb 2009
Location: Greater Manchester
Posts: 1444
These, apparently, are failed efforts at getting our government to introduce new policies !
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Dean
====================================
2011 D4 XS - OBD port protection, RLD spare wheel protector, All LED interiors lights, Timed Climate enabled, iiD tool paired.
2011 D4 Landmark - Stolen from same dealer before I paid for it
2011 D4 GS - Stolen whilst at dealer ... All LED interiors lights, DRLs, Spare Wheel protector.
1996 300Tdi - Eaten by tin worms
2011 D4 XS - OBD port protection, RLD spare wheel protector, All LED interiors lights, Timed Climate enabled, iiD tool paired.
2011 D4 Landmark - Stolen from same dealer before I paid for it
2011 D4 GS - Stolen whilst at dealer ... All LED interiors lights, DRLs, Spare Wheel protector.
1996 300Tdi - Eaten by tin worms
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... All LED interiors lights, DRLs, Spare Wheel protector.
