Member Since: 04 Jul 2008
Location: In A World of My Own!
Posts: 2863
I won't give up my day job....
Mark, goes into a posh seafood restaurant, you know the sort where they have tanks of fish or lobster and you choose it, swimming in the tank and they prepare it straight away.
Anyway the maitre'd, a snooty french chap named Gervais said to Mark. "Ze specials today are fresh green squid". Mark thinks, that looks good so orders and is led to the tank to choose his squid.
Unfortunately there had been a run on and the only one left was a bit odd it had big staring eyes and a sort of moustache to the top of his lip. "I guess I'll have that one" said Mark and took his seat.
The maitre'd went to catch the squid, but it looked up with its big eyes and the poor guy didn't have it in him to kill the runt.
So Gervais, the maitre'd went off to the kitchen to find the hardest, meanest lad in there, a pot washer, a large German guy who goes by the name Hans. "Show me zis sqvid" replied Hans sharply.
So they went to the tank, but again the squid looked up with his eyes pleading not to be taken, Hans didn't have it in him. "Look at that ze little fellow he wouldn't hurt a fly" said Hans melting.
All this goes to show... Hans that does dishes is a soft as Gervais with mild green hairy lip squid.
Must stop buying shiny toys....
23rd Apr 2018 10:20 pm
Narpy
Member Since: 18 Jul 2011
Location: Stockport
Posts: 7830
That joke is so horrendously old and ancient, they no longer use that phrase in their adverts.
Have you got the earlier version of Astons joke book?Mods:
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I'm not scared, I'm outta here.
2011 D4 XS - OBD port protection, RLD spare wheel protector, All LED interiors lights, Timed Climate enabled, iiD tool paired.
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23rd Apr 2018 10:57 pm
darrind
Member Since: 04 Jul 2008
Location: In A World of My Own!
Posts: 2863
Not old - just retro...
Must stop buying shiny toys....
23rd Apr 2018 11:48 pm
Ceekay
Member Since: 17 May 2009
Location: Bury
Posts: 2057
still funny D4 HSE Lux MY16 Club Waitomo
D3 HSE MY06 missing her still…
24th Apr 2018 10:37 am
Madrilleno
Member Since: 13 Oct 2014
Location: Nottingham
Posts: 1746
In repost, you need to be a certain age to get this one.
At the end of a long day, all the fisherman had caught was one small,
red salmon. He was about to kill it when the salmon shouted, "Wait,
I'm much too small!"
"Wow, a talking salmon," the fisherman exclaimed, "What's your name?"
"Rusty," replied the salmon. "Please throw me back into the sea!"
The fisherman did so.
About a year later, the man was fishing the same spot when he again
caught Rusty! "Amazing," exclaimed the fisherman, "What have you been
doing since I last caught you?"
"I've been sitting on the wreck of the good ship Titanic writing
poetry, it's very inspirational there."
The fisherman read some of the poems and was quite impressed. "These
should be published," he said. "Have you thought of a title for
them?"
After some thought the fish said, "I'll call them "Salmon Rusty's
Titanic Verses."There are two rules for success,
1. Never tell everything you know.
Member Since: 29 Sep 2006
Location: MIDLANDS
Posts: 8053
Narpy wrote:
That joke is so horrendously old and ancient, they no longer use that phrase in their adverts.
Have you got the earlier version of Astons joke book?
Oi!!!!!
24th Apr 2018 11:39 am
Grianaig
Member Since: 08 Jul 2014
Location: Tyne and Wear
Posts: 1286
I enjoy Aston’s jokes. As a mate of mine always says “the old ones are the best”. 2014 MY Discovery XS Indus Silver. Sadly gone. Second last LR of forty eight years continuous ownership.
24th Apr 2018 1:36 pm
ianm27
Member Since: 02 Jun 2016
Location: Hertfordshire
Posts: 2154
True, but it was only when these jokes were told by Noah that they were new Uncle Ray's spare wheel protector
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24th Apr 2018 1:39 pm
Grianaig
Member Since: 08 Jul 2014
Location: Tyne and Wear
Posts: 1286
Noah was a bit of a joke. I mean.......two of every animal......including termites and wood boring beetles. Not to mention woodworm. 2014 MY Discovery XS Indus Silver. Sadly gone. Second last LR of forty eight years continuous ownership.
24th Apr 2018 7:04 pm
DSL Keeper of the wheelie bin
Member Since: 11 May 2006
Location: Off again! :-)
Posts: 72796
Re squid joke
24th Apr 2018 7:08 pm
darrind
Member Since: 04 Jul 2008
Location: In A World of My Own!
Posts: 2863
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