Question: What do retired men call a late, long lunch?
Answer: Normal.
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: A never ending Coffee Break.
Question: What's the biggest advantage for a retired man of going to evening classes?
Answer: If you skip a class, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retired person say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the truth.
Question: What does a retired person do all week?
Answer: Monday to Friday, not much. On Saturday & Sunday, rests.
NJSSAm I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.
2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
4th Oct 2018 6:26 am
DSL Keeper of the wheelie bin
Member Since: 11 May 2006
Location: Off again! :-)
Posts: 73100
Agree with the last one 100%.
4th Oct 2018 6:41 am
Peakwayfarer
Member Since: 25 Apr 2016
Location: Uk
Posts: 434
So true
4th Oct 2018 11:26 am
Someone-Gone
Member Since: 21 Dec 2015
Location: Gone
Posts: 5117
Oh, I am obviously in the wrong retired job - househusband!
Not only do I work longer hours for no thanks, but I get bullied by the “Boss” who come home and demands to see a work sheet or I get rollocked!
Oh and I can’t do anything right. On Tuesday I got told I’d like a salad for tea. She duely got one. So thinking this was on a cert, she got a salad yesterday too. Well, if I did, I got, “I am not a f g rabbit, you gave me that yesterday you must think I am fat, you b d.
I think she got kicked out of the Marines for using foul language!
4th Oct 2018 12:00 pm
DN D3 Decade
Member Since: 23 Jun 2006
Location: W.London.
Posts: 2345
The Dundonian, that's the sort of abuse I may encounter too, decided not to retire for another year (or two) D3 owned from new, P017 brake recall, BAS FBHIC, new FBH, LR013487 oil pump, new water pump. RRS front lower suspension arms. New suspension compressor/ relay. New Denso alternator. CuNifer rear brake pipes. New GKN rear propshaft. New HPFP belt & tensioner. New A/C Condenser.NO WARRANTY for many many years.
4th Oct 2018 12:09 pm
Batfink
Member Since: 31 May 2017
Location: Isle of Sheppey
Posts: 1522
Seems quite appropriate
2006 TdV6 HSE.
4th Oct 2018 12:15 pm
Someone-Gone
Member Since: 21 Dec 2015
Location: Gone
Posts: 5117
DN wrote:
The Dundonian, that's the sort of abuse I may encounter too, decided not to retire for another year (or two)
You are only putting off the inevitable, so I’d retire and get a bullseye target put on your back!
The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.
Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.
How do you know your old? People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
How many retirees to change a light bulb? Only one, but it might take all day.
You know you're getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party.
hat does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25-year-old doesn't?
Her navel !
Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner. We actually talked to each other. It was awful.
What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common?
You don't look down.
I am so old I can tell the same joke every day. Some of my friends are so old, they will think it is a new joke every day.Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.
2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
4th Oct 2018 12:32 pm
riverblanche
Member Since: 31 Aug 2010
Location: retford'ish
Posts: 2227
How do you know your old? People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
Blimey i must be older than I thought, my Boss used to do this even when I WAS working
I was up early this morning though,
07:50 got up and let the dogs out,
made a cup of tea for me and swmbo
and
went back to bed I like retirement
Member Since: 21 Dec 2015
Location: Gone
Posts: 5117
I get up at 5.30am I have to get breakfast ready for SWMBO before she leaves for her shift! When she leaves, the kids get up
4th Oct 2018 3:35 pm
Ted Newman
Member Since: 09 Oct 2010
Location: SE London
Posts: 840
Retirement is great until your knees give way and you need a new hip and until all the fags you smoked catch up with you! LR Discovery 4 XS pulling an Airstream 532 Caravan also own (since new) a 1996 MGF
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g rabbit, you gave me that yesterday you must think I am fat, you b 
I like retirement
