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Corona virus jokes
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NJSS
 


Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10808

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4

"Darling...fancy putting on a nurses uniform"?

"Ooh, cheeky boy...you feeling randy"?

"Nah...we've run out of bread"
 Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.

2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t. 
 
Post #216884620th Aug 2020 2:38 pm
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NJSS
 


Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10808

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4

A Farmer in Cornwall sees a bloke drinking from his stream & shouts:
"Wozzon? Ee dun wanna be drinkin dat, it's full of horse Censored an cow Censored ".

The bloke says:
"I'm from London and popped down to self-isolate from Covid-19 in my 2nd property in the village, can you speak bit slower please".

The Farmer replies:
"If - you - use - two - hands - you - won't - spill - any"!!!!!
 Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.

2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t. 
 
Post #216884820th Aug 2020 2:43 pm
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Paul J.
 


Member Since: 09 Dec 2005
Location: Leafy Cheshire
Posts: 7627

United Kingdom 



 An ex-Disco3 / FFRR owner ......

..... now on the JLR electric highway. 
 
Post #216997125th Aug 2020 7:03 pm
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NJSS
 


Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10808

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4

My urologist's office called the other day and explained that my scheduled appointment would now be done over the 'phone due to the coronavirus.

One hour before the scheduled teleconference, I was instructed (via email) to administer my own urine test. This was to avoid those lab tests and costly co-pays that your doctor's tell you to get, because they're shut down too.

Directions:-

Simply go outside and pee on the front lawn.

If ant's gather: *DIABETES.

If you pee on your feet: *PROSTATE.

If it smells like a barbecue: *CHOLESTEROL.

If your wrist hurts when you shake it: *OSTEOARTHRITIS.

If you return to your house with your penis outside your pants: *ALZHEIMER'S.

Quite simple.
 Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.

2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t. 
 
Post #217016626th Aug 2020 8:03 pm
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PROFSR G
 


Member Since: 06 Mar 2017
Location: Lost
Posts: 5045

Ukraine 2009 Discovery 3 TDV6 Commercial XS Auto Stornoway GreyDiscovery 3

Rolling with laughter
 yµ (idµ - eAµ) ψ=mψ

 
 
Post #217016926th Aug 2020 8:17 pm
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ianm27
 


Member Since: 02 Jun 2016
Location: Hertfordshire
Posts: 2154

England 2012 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 GS Auto Orkney GreyDiscovery 4

Rolling with laughter
 Uncle Ray's spare wheel protector
Limo Tint
Blackvue front & rear dashcam
Cruise control switch pack
Bodsy's remote for FBH 
 
Post #217024027th Aug 2020 10:23 am
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NJSS
 


Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10808

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4

 Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.

2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t. 
 
Post #21724308th Sep 2020 12:26 pm
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NJSS
 


Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10808

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4

The government has just announced the official uniform for the Covid Marshals:-


Click image to enlarge



NJSS
 Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.

2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t. 
 
Post #217294110th Sep 2020 10:51 am
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Luapno
 


Member Since: 27 Sep 2013
Location: Birmingham
Posts: 874

United Kingdom 

 When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. All of the pain is felt by others. The same thing happens when you are stupid.  
Post #217296810th Sep 2020 12:59 pm
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Batfink
 


Member Since: 31 May 2017
Location: Isle of Sheppey
Posts: 1522

United Kingdom 2006 Discovery 3 TDV6 HSE Auto Zermatt SilverDiscovery 3

 2006 TdV6 HSE.  
Post #217298110th Sep 2020 2:26 pm
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Batfink
 


Member Since: 31 May 2017
Location: Isle of Sheppey
Posts: 1522

United Kingdom 2006 Discovery 3 TDV6 HSE Auto Zermatt SilverDiscovery 3

 2006 TdV6 HSE.  
Post #217300210th Sep 2020 3:50 pm
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NoDo$h
 


Member Since: 02 May 2006
Location: Finding new and exciting ways to milk badgers.
Posts: 19689

Ukraine 

 I know it's not considered "kind" to say no these days, but no. Just no, ok? And if it's not ok, still no.  
Post #217302210th Sep 2020 6:35 pm
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Batfink
 


Member Since: 31 May 2017
Location: Isle of Sheppey
Posts: 1522

United Kingdom 2006 Discovery 3 TDV6 HSE Auto Zermatt SilverDiscovery 3

 2006 TdV6 HSE.  
Post #217319311th Sep 2020 1:47 pm
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Batfink
 


Member Since: 31 May 2017
Location: Isle of Sheppey
Posts: 1522

United Kingdom 2006 Discovery 3 TDV6 HSE Auto Zermatt SilverDiscovery 3

 2006 TdV6 HSE.  
Post #217320811th Sep 2020 2:23 pm
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Paul J.
 


Member Since: 09 Dec 2005
Location: Leafy Cheshire
Posts: 7627

United Kingdom 

Rolling with laughter
 An ex-Disco3 / FFRR owner ......

..... now on the JLR electric highway. 
 
Post #217325011th Sep 2020 5:34 pm
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