Member Since: 03 Jan 2016
Location: Cambridgeshire
Posts: 1267
The Stranded Irishman ( or Englishman etc or )
One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon.
He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship."
As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft.
Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!
She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar?"
"Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman.
With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter.
He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag. "Faith and begorrah," said the castaway, "Ahh, that is so good! I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Bushmill's Irish Whiskey?" asked the blonde.
Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."
Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him.
He opened the flask and took a long drink. "Tis nectar of the gods!" shouted the Irishman. "Tis truly fantastic!!!"
At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed,
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there too!D3 2.7 Zermatt silver (not another one)
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14th Feb 2021 11:14 am
rrhool
Member Since: 28 Aug 2014
Location: Norfolk
Posts: 4523
Richard
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14th Feb 2021 11:19 am
DSL Keeper of the wheelie bin
Member Since: 11 May 2006
Location: Off again! :-)
Posts: 73086
14th Feb 2021 11:20 am
Ceekay
Member Since: 17 May 2009
Location: Bury
Posts: 2089
D4 HSE Lux MY16 Club Waitomo
D3 HSE MY06 missing her still…
14th Feb 2021 1:40 pm
BadgerWazzala
Member Since: 12 Dec 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 32
Oh dear.
14th Feb 2021 2:40 pm
BadgerWazzala
Member Since: 12 Dec 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 32
An englishman, irishman and scottish bloke are running from the police one dark and black evening and they decide to hide down an alley on an industrial estate with no street lighting, and make thier way behind and amongst heaps of pallets,containers and barrels.
The bobbies are fast approaching so the scottish bloke says "Quick! Climb into something and stay quiet! They all three hide and sit quiet awaiting the fuzz to pass, but one bobby shouts to the others that he thinks they should check out the alleyway.
When the coppers are searching through the piles of stuff they knock the barrel the englishman is hiding behind so he quickly but softly shouts out "meow moew meow", the coppers decide they've disturbed some stray flea-ridden cats and move around the pile away from the englishman, the scottishman gets the idea and starts barking and growling like a stray dog, so with that the coppers move further down the alley to where the irishman is hiding, the paddy is quick and thinks on his feet as the police approach the barrel he is hiding in, and with a clear throat and lungs full of air, he shouts out..."potatoes".
14th Feb 2021 2:48 pm
Oswiperus D3 Decade
Member Since: 02 Apr 2010
Location: Chelmsford, Essex
Posts: 1600
Stu
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