AVE
D3 Decade
Member Since: 12 Nov 2006
Location: First house on the left
Posts: 3099
  
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NEW OFFICE POLICY - EFFECTIVE NOVEMBER 1st 2008
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a rise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a rise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a rise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Breaks:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. As you slide down the banister of life
may no splinters point your way
Disco XXV
RRS2 Autobiography Dynamic MY16
Discovery Sport HSE Lux MY17
Evoque HSE Dynamic MY16 (Gone)
RRS2 Autobiography Dynamic MY14 (Lovely car but preferred the Disco!)
Disco 3 Tdv6 HSE MY05 (owned for 11 years and now gone)
Range Rover Sport HSE MY11 (Gone)
Freelander2 SE (Gone but the most reliable car we've ever owned)
Disco 2 V8 (Gone)
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 22nd Oct 2008 9:55 pm |
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frogall
Member Since: 29 Aug 2008
Location: Norfolk
Posts: 250
 
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Wish I could work in an office that liberal  I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already.
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| 22nd Oct 2008 11:13 pm |
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Neil Pettersen
Member Since: 23 Nov 2007
Location: Cutting the grass
Posts: 1254
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AVE wrote: .. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken...
This would be excellent for long-haul flights via Asia.
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| 23rd Oct 2008 5:05 am |
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DiscoDunc
Member Since: 08 May 2006
Location: Bristol
Posts: 16390
 
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What makes you think that would improve things 
You would just end up with all the doors open and people finishing their business 
Its bad enough when the doors are closed  Duncan
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If I'd known I was going to be so thirsty this morning I'd have drunk more beer last night.
FFRR Autobiography 4.4 SDV8 MY17
D4 HSE MY13 SOLD
FFRR 3.6 Vogue TDV8 SOLD
D4 HSE MY10 SOLD
D4 SE TECH MY15 SOLD
D4 XS MY12 SOLD
D4 HSE MY10 SOLD
D3 HSE MY06 - Re-Cycled Worldwide
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| 23rd Oct 2008 7:17 am |
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Neil Pettersen
Member Since: 23 Nov 2007
Location: Cutting the grass
Posts: 1254
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| 23rd Oct 2008 8:57 am |
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