Member Since: 31 May 2008
Location: Praha (Prague)
Posts: 2430
A man is working on the buses
A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets.
He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.
'Well' says the man, 'is that your packed lunch over there?' 'Yes' answers the executioner. 'Can I have that green banana?'
The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.
'Can I go?' the man asks. 'I suppose so' says the executioner, 'that's never happened before.'
The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on.
A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for
the whole of Texas.
The bloke is again sat in the chair. 'What is your final wish?' asks the executioner. 'Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?' says the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the chair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.
Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The
executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to The chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.
'What's your final wish ?' asks the executioner. 'Well' says the man, 'Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch.?' The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The executioner
pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn mark.
'I give up' says the executioner, 'I don't understand how you can still be alive after all that?'. He stroked his chin. 'It's something to do with that green banana isn't it' he asked.
Nahh' said the bloke,
'I'm just a really bad conductor'.Experience is a difficult teacher, because she gives the test first and then the lesson afterwards!!!!
8th Nov 2008 5:11 am
norto
Member Since: 10 Apr 2006
Location: batemans bay
Posts: 1605
A long read for not much joy
very family friendly thoughPete
8th Nov 2008 5:26 am
heine
Member Since: 07 Feb 2007
Location: Midrand
Posts: 4054
I'm going to tell this tonight after everyone has had a few drinks - hope they don't lynch me
8th Nov 2008 7:08 am
busaboy74
Member Since: 17 Aug 2008
Location: Hampshire
Posts: 310
8th Nov 2008 7:52 am
DiscoStu
Member Since: 09 Apr 2006
Location: London
Posts: 11412
Re: A man is working on the buses
Popelka wrote:
Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses.
Thats where I first heard this joke...you can string it out for hours...
Another one is the "Lighthouse joke" - two guys take their shift at the lighthose. They arrive and start taking their stuff inside, to the top...along the corridor and up the stairs......along the corridor and up the stairs......along the corridor and up the stairs... etc...and they have to go back down for one thing ...along the corridor and down the stairs...it can go on and on and on and...
I won't continue...I'm boring myself...Anyone want to guess the punch line ?The next American ex-pat that calls it a "truck" is going to find out what 2.7 tons feels like on their foot...
Club "yes, I too have had the EGR's replaced..."
Club "yes, I too have had the compressor replaced..."
Club "yes, I too once had the car at the dealer for a couple of weeksnearly 4 weeksover 4 weeks...5 weeks"
Club "yes, I too have had EPB failure..."
Club "yes, I too get mysterious bings and bongs..."
8th Nov 2008 12:35 pm
robsmith
Member Since: 02 Sep 2007
Location: Staffordshire
Posts: 2400
And another l-o-n-g j-o-k-e
First some background info - For the purposes of this story Irish are afraid of storms, dark nights, rain, graves and being frightened....
Its a dark night
Paddy and Murphy are in a bar in the next village from where they live, gathering courage by the glass (well actually a mixture of Guinness and potchean).
Eventually Murphy has enough courage to head off home.
He heads off across the graveyard between the two villages.
Its dark.
Its wet.
Its raining.
Its a terrible storm.
He's feeling scared, but not so much by the storm as what his wife will say and do to him if he's late in (did I mention earlier that above all else his wife is TERRIFYING?)
He doesn't see the grave dug for the Old Widow's funeral on the next day (It may have bee her wake that they were all celebrating....)
He falls into the grave.
Now this freaks him somewhat.
After an hour of struggle he gives up and cowers in the corner.
At about this time Paddy has enough courage and heads off on the same route.
He too cuts across the grave yard, failing to see the the fresh dug grave.
In he falls
His rather unruly decent wakens Murphy
Murphy observes Paddy's struggle and decides to offer some advise
"You'll never get out of here"
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