Advertise on DISCO4.COM
Forum · Gallery · Wiki · Shop · Sponsors
DISCO4.COM > Off Topic - Humour, Rants & Pointless Posts

I won't give up my day job....
Post Reply  Down to end
Page 1 of 1
darrind
 


Member Since: 04 Jul 2008
Location: In A World of My Own!
Posts: 2863

England 2013 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 HSE Auto Santorini BlackDiscovery 4
I won't give up my day job....

Mark, goes into a posh seafood restaurant, you know the sort where they have tanks of fish or lobster and you choose it, swimming in the tank and they prepare it straight away.

Anyway the maitre'd, a snooty french chap named Gervais said to Mark. "Ze specials today are fresh green squid". Mark thinks, that looks good so orders and is led to the tank to choose his squid.

Unfortunately there had been a run on and the only one left was a bit odd it had big staring eyes and a sort of moustache to the top of his lip. "I guess I'll have that one" said Mark and took his seat.

The maitre'd went to catch the squid, but it looked up with its big eyes and the poor guy didn't have it in him to kill the runt.

So Gervais, the maitre'd went off to the kitchen to find the hardest, meanest lad in there, a pot washer, a large German guy who goes by the name Hans. "Show me zis sqvid" replied Hans sharply.

So they went to the tank, but again the squid looked up with his eyes pleading not to be taken, Hans didn't have it in him. "Look at that ze little fellow he wouldn't hurt a fly" said Hans melting.

All this goes to show... Hans that does dishes is a soft as Gervais with mild green hairy lip squid.

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter
 Must stop buying shiny toys....  
Post #193920923rd Apr 2018 9:20 pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Narpy
 


Member Since: 18 Jul 2011
Location: Stockport
Posts: 7830

2005 Discovery 3 TDV6 S Manual Cairns BlueDiscovery 3

That joke is so horrendously old and ancient, they no longer use that phrase in their adverts. Rolling Eyes

Have you got the earlier version of Astons joke book?
 Mods:
Front Fogs + Halos
FBH Remote Control
The 1st Ever RRS Modded Grill
Garmin Nuvi + D4 Surround + Reversing Camera.
D4 Steering Wheel.
Rear Boot Spoiler.
Twin Brake Lights.
Wing Mirror Indicator Repeaters.
Long Roof Rails
Make your own Narpy grill thread
I'm not scared, I'm outta here. 
 
Post #193921723rd Apr 2018 9:45 pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Hardware
 


Member Since: 28 Jun 2016
Location: Hiding under the M60
Posts: 12676

United Kingdom 2011 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 XS Auto Sumatra BlackDiscovery 4

Rolling with laughter
 .


Dean
====================================

2011 D4 XS - OBD port protection, RLD spare wheel protector, All LED interiors lights, Timed Climate enabled, iiD tool paired.
2011 D4 Landmark - Stolen from same dealer before I paid for it
2011 D4 GS - Stolen whilst at dealer Sad ... All LED interiors lights, DRLs, Spare Wheel protector.
1996 300Tdi - Eaten by tin worms 
 
Post #193921923rd Apr 2018 9:57 pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
darrind
 


Member Since: 04 Jul 2008
Location: In A World of My Own!
Posts: 2863

England 2013 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 HSE Auto Santorini BlackDiscovery 4

Not old - just retro...

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter
 Must stop buying shiny toys....  
Post #193923123rd Apr 2018 10:48 pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Ceekay
 


Member Since: 17 May 2009
Location: Bury
Posts: 2057

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 HSE Lux Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4

Rolling with laughter
still funny Thumbs Up
 D4 HSE Lux MY16 Club Waitomo
D3 HSE MY06 missing her still… 
 
Post #193929024th Apr 2018 9:37 am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Send e-mail Reply with quote
Madrilleno
 


Member Since: 13 Oct 2014
Location: Nottingham
Posts: 1742

England 2012 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 HSE Auto Santorini BlackDiscovery 4

In repost, you need to be a certain age to get this one.

At the end of a long day, all the fisherman had caught was one small,
red salmon. He was about to kill it when the salmon shouted, "Wait,
I'm much too small!"

"Wow, a talking salmon," the fisherman exclaimed, "What's your name?"

"Rusty," replied the salmon. "Please throw me back into the sea!"
The fisherman did so.

About a year later, the man was fishing the same spot when he again
caught Rusty! "Amazing," exclaimed the fisherman, "What have you been
doing since I last caught you?"

"I've been sitting on the wreck of the good ship Titanic writing
poetry, it's very inspirational there."

The fisherman read some of the poems and was quite impressed. "These
should be published," he said. "Have you thought of a title for
them?"

After some thought the fish said, "I'll call them "Salmon Rusty's
Titanic Verses."
 There are two rules for success,
1. Never tell everything you know.



RLD Spare Wheel Protector
RLD Sump Guard
Narpy Style RRS Grille from Beanie
Discostick 3rd button FBH controller
IID BT
EGRs Blanked
Geoff Gearbox Flush
Prospeed sliders & compressor guard 
 
Post #193929324th Apr 2018 9:59 am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
astonbuilder
 


Member Since: 29 Sep 2006
Location: MIDLANDS
Posts: 8044

England 2012 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 XS Auto Santorini BlackDiscovery 4

Narpy wrote:
That joke is so horrendously old and ancient, they no longer use that phrase in their adverts. Rolling Eyes

Have you got the earlier version of Astons joke book?


Oi!!!!! Laughing
  
Post #193929924th Apr 2018 10:39 am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Grianaig
 


Member Since: 08 Jul 2014
Location: Tyne and Wear
Posts: 1286

Scotland 2014 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 XS Auto Indus SilverDiscovery 4

I enjoy Aston’s jokes. As a mate of mine always says “the old ones are the best”. Thumbs Up
 2014 MY Discovery XS Indus Silver. Sadly gone. Second last LR of forty eight years continuous ownership.  
Post #193931824th Apr 2018 12:36 pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
ianm27
 


Member Since: 02 Jun 2016
Location: Hertfordshire
Posts: 2154

England 2012 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 GS Auto Orkney GreyDiscovery 4

True, but it was only when these jokes were told by Noah that they were new Whistle Rolling with laughter
 Uncle Ray's spare wheel protector
Limo Tint
Blackvue front & rear dashcam
Cruise control switch pack
Bodsy's remote for FBH 
 
Post #193932024th Apr 2018 12:39 pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Grianaig
 


Member Since: 08 Jul 2014
Location: Tyne and Wear
Posts: 1286

Scotland 2014 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 XS Auto Indus SilverDiscovery 4

Noah was a bit of a joke. I mean.......two of every animal......including termites and wood boring beetles. Not to mention woodworm. Whistle
 2014 MY Discovery XS Indus Silver. Sadly gone. Second last LR of forty eight years continuous ownership.  
Post #193940924th Apr 2018 6:04 pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
DSL
Keeper of the wheelie bin 


Member Since: 11 May 2006
Location: Off again! :-)
Posts: 72742

Ukraine 

Re squid joke Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter
   
Post #193941124th Apr 2018 6:08 pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
darrind
 


Member Since: 04 Jul 2008
Location: In A World of My Own!
Posts: 2863

England 2013 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 HSE Auto Santorini BlackDiscovery 4

Very Happy Very Happy
 Must stop buying shiny toys....  
Post #193943824th Apr 2018 8:15 pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Post Reply
Display posts from the last:  
Post Reply Back to top
Page 1 of 1
Jump to:  
Previous Topic | Next Topic >


Posting Rules
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum



DISCO4.COM Copyright © 2004-2024 Futuranet Ltd & Martin Lewis
DISCO3.CO.UK RSS Feed - All Forums

DISCO4.COM is independent and not affiliated to Land Rover.
Switch to Mobile Site