Member Since: 04 Apr 2007
Location: Norfolk
Posts: 165
An Marine Engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly.
The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily.
The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels.
One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's going on?
The Devil replies, "Things are great down here since you sent us that marine engineer."
"What?? An marine engineer? I didn't send you one of those, that must have been a mistake. Send him back up right this minute."
The Devil responds, "No way! We are going to keep our engineer. We like this guy."
God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!"
The Devil laughs. "Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"Disco 4
Burstner motorhome
BMW 225e (only 1/2 way to electric)
18th Jun 2018 6:08 am
kajtzu
Member Since: 11 Aug 2017
Location: Helsinki
Posts: 6566
18th Jun 2018 6:44 am
ianm27
Member Since: 02 Jun 2016
Location: Hertfordshire
Posts: 2154
Uncle Ray's spare wheel protector
Limo Tint
Blackvue front & rear dashcam
Cruise control switch pack
Bodsy's remote for FBH
18th Jun 2018 5:59 pm
DSL Keeper of the wheelie bin
Member Since: 11 May 2006
Location: Off again! :-)
Posts: 72775
18th Jun 2018 6:03 pm
Alan B
Member Since: 12 Feb 2013
Location: Fife
Posts: 6528
D3 57 xs Stornaway grey
D2 02 commercial silver gone but a great servant and won't be forgotten
Iid Bluetooth
19th Jun 2018 1:57 pm
professorpool
Member Since: 19 Mar 2012
Location: Woking
Posts: 3213
Tommy comes home one night, completely worse for wear. Drunk out of his mind. It's all he can do to crawl into bed. A little while later Tommy wakes up and finds himself at the Pearly Gates and in front of St Peter
"But sir, it's too early and I'm too young! I have a young family and they need me!"
He remonstrates with St Peter.
"Once you are here you are here. I can't send you back. The best I can do is send you back as a chicken"
"Well if that's all that's available, that will have to do I suppose but can you send me to a farm near my house so I can keep an eye on..."
And puff! The next thing he knows he's in a farm yard and pecking about at the floor. A cockerel comes up to him and says
"Hello there! You must be the new chicken! Pleased to meet you!"
"Hello to you to, but I'm feeling a bit funny, like I need to push"
"Aha!" says the cockerel "you're ovulating. It means you're going to lay an egg. All you need to do is push"
So he pushes and the next think you know there's an egg on the ground..
"Oh that feels wonderful. I've never given birth! What a wonderful feeling!"
So he settles himself down and starts to push again when...
WACK!
"FFS TOMMY WAKE UP! YOU'VE SHAT THE BED!"D3 07 SE - still going strong
D3 07 HSE - gone to car heaven
FL1 - gone to Romania
D3 05 HSE - gone to a divorce diet
D1 V8 manual - gone but not forgotten
RR Classic - gone to car heaven
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