A letter to send to all those you have received E-mails from this year!
Dear Friends,
As we move closer to the end of another year I wanted to thank you for all the e-mails you have forwarded to me over the past year.
I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat
in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same
reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl who
is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But that will
change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates and Microsoft are
sending me for participating in their special email programs. Or from
the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split seven million
dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer
who died intestate.
And I need no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to at least 10 friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I can no longer buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the
car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a food sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore and Uzbekistan.
I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider
is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my
bum.
I can't even pick up the money I found dropped on the car park floor
because it was probably put there by a crazed axe murderer waiting
under my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 10
minutes, a large pelican with an acute case of diarrhoea will sit on
your head plus fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you
to grow a most unsightly hairy hump.
I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door
neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's plumber - and
it was on Good Morning.
By the way.... did you know that a South American scientist has, after
a lengthy study, discovered that people with low IQs who don't have
enough sex, always read their emails while holding the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.'' Bonatti HSE... Ah yes, a vintage colour!
Registered on the 22nd Mar 06; Rare good luck!!
This gets a: Only because there are no prizes for guessing what I had in my hand whilst reading this...The next American ex-pat that calls it a "truck" is going to find out what 2.7 tons feels like on their foot...
Club "yes, I too have had the EGR's replaced..."
Club "yes, I too have had the compressor replaced..."
Club "yes, I too once had the car at the dealer for a couple of weeksnearly 4 weeksover 4 weeks...5 weeks"
Club "yes, I too have had EPB failure..."
Club "yes, I too get mysterious bings and bongs..."
10th Dec 2008 6:13 pm
Hassle
Member Since: 19 Nov 2008
Location: Sleaford
Posts: 723
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' Bonatti HSE... Ah yes, a vintage colour!
Only because there are no prizes for guessing what I had in my hand whilst reading this...
