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WaznotWas
Member Since: 11 Jun 2008
Location: A long way from nowhere!
Posts: 1101
  
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Yes I'm in the office and bored 
Ponder on these imponderables for a minute:-
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?
13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licences of bald men?
15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. (my fav)
18. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
19. Ever wonder about those people who spend £1.50 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
20. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
22. OK ... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the 'Bucs,' what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
23. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that one enjoys it?
24. Why if you send something by road it is called a shipment, but when you send it by sea it is called cargo?
25. If a convenience store is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the door? FORECAST FOR TONIGHT: things have happened out there!!!
The countryside is still OURS!!
Club 3 Musketeers, Club D3C, Club Midland CB, Club Vertex PMR, Club GNVP Sump Plate, Club GNVP Sliders, Club Uncle Ray Spare Wheel Protector, Club Smooth Steering Wheel, Club McStuckie
07 HSE Z Silver, black leather, Black RRS badges,
19" anthracite wheels - off, 18" Silver / General AT2's - on,
300 TDI Disco 1 - Sheltering the lawn!
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 20th Oct 2008 7:23 pm |
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flinty99
Member Since: 17 Mar 2008
Location: Northumberland
Posts: 2558
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Somebody is bored tonight 
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| 20th Oct 2008 7:35 pm |
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JF Lux
Member Since: 08 Sep 2007
Location: A little country in Europe
Posts: 3522
 
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How about...
If a picture is worth ten thousand words, then one twenty-five-hundredth of a picture should be worth four words.
And if Helen of Troy had the face that launched a thousand ships, and a picture is worth ten thousand words, doesn't that mean one picture of Helen's face should be worth ten million ships...?
And if the night has a thousand eyes, and getting there is half the fun, that means to have fun getting there at night would require five hundred eyes...
And if getting there is half the fun and half a loaf is better than none, would getting halfway there with a whole loaf be more or less fun...?
And if half a loaf is better than none, the night has a thousand eyes, a picture is worth ten thousand words, getting there is half the fun, and Helen of Troy had the face that launched a thousand ships, then a picture taken at night from a ship that is halfway there, how much fun would Helen of Troy be having if she were holding a full loaf...? And could you see it in her eyes...?
Anyone want to work out the answer if Helen of Troy also lived in a halfway house...? The next American ex-pat that calls it a "truck" is going to find out what 2.7 tons feels like on their foot...
Club "yes, I too have had the EGR's replaced..."
Club "yes, I too have had the compressor replaced..."
Club "yes, I too once had the car at the dealer for a couple of weeks nearly 4 weeks over 4 weeks...5 weeks"
Club "yes, I too have had EPB failure..."
Club "yes, I too get mysterious bings and bongs..."
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| 20th Oct 2008 7:35 pm |
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NJF
Member Since: 05 Oct 2007
Location: Gone
Posts: 2466
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Step away from the whisky bottle, JF. 
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| 20th Oct 2008 7:45 pm |
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JF Lux
Member Since: 08 Sep 2007
Location: A little country in Europe
Posts: 3522
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Or...
If a deaf mute is carrying two suitcases, does that make him speechless...?
(need more whisky...) The next American ex-pat that calls it a "truck" is going to find out what 2.7 tons feels like on their foot...
Club "yes, I too have had the EGR's replaced..."
Club "yes, I too have had the compressor replaced..."
Club "yes, I too once had the car at the dealer for a couple of weeks nearly 4 weeks over 4 weeks...5 weeks"
Club "yes, I too have had EPB failure..."
Club "yes, I too get mysterious bings and bongs..."
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| 20th Oct 2008 7:56 pm |
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