Member Since: 29 Nov 2006
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 15272
9pm Monday night [Irish] Humour
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's D3 to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.
At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.'
He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says,
'Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'
THERE'S MORE....
Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass.
He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.
He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.
He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.
Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.
Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.
Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!'
IT IS NOT OVER YET...
Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears.
He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.
Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
Once more Paddy shakes his head.
'Fook dat, lads.
First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping,
den Seamus parrotshooting.....
And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'
20th Oct 2008 8:23 pm
GLYNNE
Member Since: 06 Oct 2006
Location: KENT
Posts: 4696
The older I get, the more I realise that people confuse wrinkles for wisdom
Founder member of Club FFRRV
Club Orange, Mint or Fruit
Club Walnut Sniffers
20th Oct 2008 8:28 pm
flinty99
Member Since: 17 Mar 2008
Location: Northumberland
Posts: 2558
Thay cannot get any worse tonight .. surely.
20th Oct 2008 8:31 pm
DG Site Moderator
Member Since: 12 Dec 2005
Location: The Gaff
Posts: 50979
Member Since: 29 Nov 2006
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 15272
c'mon guys, give us a break ... is it the way I tell em???
20th Oct 2008 8:38 pm
Wex
Member Since: 16 Apr 2007
Location: Knackeragua
Posts: 5173
Ron youre a legend
20th Oct 2008 9:01 pm
frogall
Member Since: 29 Aug 2008
Location: Norfolk
Posts: 250
Driving out of Carrick in the D3 the other week, I saw Paddy filling in holes at the side of the road. The holes were spaced every ten feet for about fifty yards, after which I saw Murphy digging a new one.
On my way back later I saw Murphy again having moved on a few hundred yards, still digging holes, so I stopped.
I asked him if he knew that Paddy was filling in the holes about 50 yards further down, to which he replied "Oh yes, we're landscaping for the Council; I dig the holes, Mick puts the trees in and Paddy fills in behind.
"Mick?" I asked.
"Oh, It's his day off" came the reply.I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already.
20th Oct 2008 11:04 pm
heine
Member Since: 07 Feb 2007
Location: Midrand
Posts: 4054
Better
21st Oct 2008 9:40 am
Wex
Member Since: 16 Apr 2007
Location: Knackeragua
Posts: 5173
Quote:
Driving out of Carrick
Barefaced lie , you live in Norfolk.Pull the other one.
Next
21st Oct 2008 9:43 am
bobic
Member Since: 02 Mar 2008
Location: Cork
Posts: 133
Paddy English man, paddy Irish man, paddy French man and Paddy American man were all aboard a plane flying across the Atlantic ocean. Half way through the journey one of the four engines failed and they where losing altitude. The pilot explained to the 4 men that the plane was now overweight and they were going to crash.
Heroically, paddy French man jumped out of his seat, shouted 'viev le france' and threw himself out the door saving the lives of the paddy English, Irish and American man.
Then with a splutter a second engine failed, once again leaving the plane overweight.
Immediately paddy American man jumped out of his seat, shouted 'remember the Alamo' and threw himself out the door saving paddy English and Irish man.
Then unbelievably the third engine failed and the plane began plummeting from the sky. Without hesitation paddy Irish man jumped out of his seat, shouted 'up the Irish' and threw paddy English man out of the plane.
21st Oct 2008 2:31 pm
flinty99
Member Since: 17 Mar 2008
Location: Northumberland
Posts: 2558
Now we all know this cannot be true.
By this time in the flight Paddy Irishman would have downed that many Jameson's and Guinness that there is no way he could have jumped out of his seat.
21st Oct 2008 2:41 pm
frogall
Member Since: 29 Aug 2008
Location: Norfolk
Posts: 250
I hear that they are dealing with increased fuel prices in Kerry by making the roads shorter.I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already.
21st Oct 2008 8:32 pm
Wex
Member Since: 16 Apr 2007
Location: Knackeragua
Posts: 5173
I hear they're accepting crap joke tradeins against a new sense of humour
21st Oct 2008 8:42 pm
frogall
Member Since: 29 Aug 2008
Location: Norfolk
Posts: 250
oooohh!!!
Tee Hee I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already.
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
