Member Since: 26 Oct 2013
Location: Argyll
Posts: 2867
On a similar theme:
Currently 2009 Disco 3 SE, 2013 MY D4 HSE and 2016 D4 SE
Previously:
TD5 Defender 110 CSW (230k miles)
300TDi Disco 1 (289k)
4 RR Classics (300-350k each, 2 manual, 2 auto)
110 V8 CSW (220k)
S3 109 hi cap pickup (ex RN)
S2A 88 Safari SW with lpg conversion (bloody lethal)
30th Apr 2020 9:21 pm
waterbuoy
Member Since: 26 Oct 2013
Location: Argyll
Posts: 2867
A bit of a long read but seeing as most of us have time to spare at present:
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 7 October 2010 11.04am
To: [email protected]
Subject: Bears
Dear Sir and/or Madam,
I have received a request for seventy-five of my dollars for putting my trash out for collection without securing it inside a bear-proof container. Due to a series of events the night before, I forgot to put my trash out and had to run it out the next morning after hearing the collection truck approach.
As regulations govern only actions within certain defined limits and thereby justify all similar actions that lie outside those limits, I request that my offence is changed from 'unsecured trash' to 'secured trash barring the possibility of bears formulating a strategy in which to take advantage of the few minutes between deposit and collection.'
Regards, David.
From: Patricia Jennings
Date: Thursday 7 October 2010 5.16pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Bears
Hello Mr. Thorne
Section 9 of the MPOA Agreement which you would have signed clearly states that trash must be secured.
The reason we have these rules is so that bears and other large animals are not attracted to the area. This is for everyones safety. All bear sightings should be reported immediately to the MPOA. A ladys cat was almost bitten by a bear just a few weeks ago near the mini golf course.
Patricia
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 7 October 2010 9.12pm
To: Patricia Jennings
Subject: Re: Re: Bears
Dear Pat,
Due to the abundant supply of cats in the area, I'm surprised bears bother with the trash at all. As I have run over at least four cats this week and one of those did not put up much of a chase, it may be suggested that elderly residents and their cats pose more of an attraction for bears than unsecured trash. For the safety of all residents, section 9 of the MPOA Agreement should probably be amended to state that all cats, and their elderly owners, be kept in bear-proof containers.
While out walking this evening, I witnessed several cats having some kind of cat meeting on the sidewalk ahead of me. Possibly discussing the local bear problem. After reading that a bear recently ate a ladies cat in the area and hearing a twig snap in the shadows behind me, I decided to take the shortest route home by cutting through the Massanutten mini-golf facilities. Managing to scale the three metre fence via fear and a trash can, I slipped, caught my back pants pocket on one of the pointy metal bars, and hung there for several minutes before managing to wriggle out of them - dropping to safety and to the right of hole 7. Fashioning temporary legwear by removing my jumper and placing my legs in the sleeves, figuring they would look like Hammer pants to people driving by, I left the premises by climbing the papier-mâché boulders near hole 16, leaping onto the ticket hut roof and dropping down the other side to safety. If my shoes had not been soaked and slippery from the pond to the right of hole 7, I am pretty sure I would have made it on the first attempt. While not pointing any blame, I quite liked those pants as they fit really well and cost me around seventy-five dollars.
Also, as per your instructions to report bear sightings immediately, I have attached a photograph taken outside my premises a few minutes ago. I apologise for the quality but was fearful of getting too close due to the fact bears constrict and consume their prey whole, taking several days to fully digest. As I have a short attention span and would prefer a quick death such as removing my helmet in space, I request you send assistance immediately.
Regards, David.
From: Patricia Jennings
Date: Friday 8 October 2010 2.26pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Bears
I checked with Carol at the mini golf hut and no pants were found on the fence. I doubt any of that really happened. That looks like a dog with a blanket on it. I'm not going to waste anyones time sending an officer out to check that.
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 8 October 2010 2.51pm
To: Patricia Jennings
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bears
Dear Pat,
If Carol from the mini-golf hut has time to check the perimeter for pants, why not send her? While issuing me a seventy-five dollar fine by justifying it is for the safety of others, you seem pretty quick to dismiss mine. As people rely on your protection from bears and your position consists entirely of not waiving fines issued to ensure the compliance of regulations that protect people from bears, you should probably send out a memo or something stating that we are on our own in an emergency situation. On the back of the memo, you could include instructions on making a pointy stick to protect ourselves with.
I own a gun but am unsure if a bear, shot with a Daisy .177 calibre BB air rifle purchased from Wal-Mart for $39.75, would be wounded or just off. While testing the rifle last week, my offspring was definitely the latter. I have heard that the best way to protect yourself during a bear attack is to roll into a tight ball and cover your face but I am pretty sure a flame-thrower or a special suit that metal spikes spring out of when you press a button would be more effective. I have also heard that music soothes the savage beast but the last time I sang Whitney Houston's 'The Greatest Love of All' to my offspring, it had the opposite effect despite what I considered to be an excellent reproduction of her tonal range.
Although wary, after reading recently that a bear ate a lady and her cat in the area, I decided to risk leaving the premises in order to drive to your office and pay the fine. Unfortunately, possibly due to an unsecured Snickers bar on the dashboard, the bear is now in my vehicle and I am unable to do so. Please send assistance immediately as I have also run out of cigarettes and need to drive to the shop. If you send Carol, please ask her to stop on the way and grab me a pack. While you may not class this as an emergency or possible danger to others, you haven't seen me after two hours without nicotine.
Regards, David.
From: Patricia Jennings
Date: Friday 8 October 2010 3.18pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bears
I wont be sending an officer because your not in any danger at all. You have obviously just put a blanket on a dog while it is sitting in your car and taken a photo. If you want to express your opinion on trash collection rules you are welcome to attend the next MPOA community meeting which is held each month. Not understanding the importance of bear safety doesnt mean you dont have to follow the rules. I'm not even sure what your point is.
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 8 October 2010 4.22pm
To: Patricia Jennings
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bears
Dear Pat,
My point is, barring the possibility of strategy formulating bears, stating my actions constitute a punishable breach of regulations structured to protect the community only enables you to be wrong with authority, not right.
Contrary to your statement, I do understand the importance of bear safety. Several years ago, I went camping with a few associates and thought it would be amusing to jump out of bushes while wearing a bear suit. Renting the only bear costume available, which was a koala, I altered it as best I could to make it look frightening by taping down the fluffy ears, adding sharp cardboard teeth and constructing two downward slanting eyebrows with electrical tape. While sitting around the campfire, I excused myself, donned the concealed costume and leapt out yelling 'Rawr'. Moments later, I realised the screaming and falling back off chairs was not due to wearing a bear costume but the fact I was standing in the fire while wearing a bear costume made of polyester. After a two-hour drive to the nearest hospital, I underwent three weeks of skin grafting on my left leg and six months hearing about how I ruined the camping trip. To this day, when anyone asks about the scars, I simply state "It involved a camping trip and a bear, I don't like to talk about it" which is true because I don't. While I was in the hospital, my mother went to my apartment to get some clothes for me and found my porn collection so it is a touchy subject.
Also, while I was able to persuade the bear to exit my vehicle by pretending to be an old lady looking for her cat, it is now inside my premises. Although not immediately evident from the attached photograph, the bear is sitting between myself and the television remote control, located on the cushion to its left. As this effectively cuts off my ability to change channels and The View just started, this should be classed as an emergency situation. If I wanted to watch a group of old women carry on, I would attend an MPOA community meeting.
Regards, David.
From: Patricia Jennings
Date: Friday 8 October 2010 5.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bears
Fine. I will waive the amount this time if you agree to make sure all your trash is secure in future.
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 8 October 2010 5.16pm
To: Patricia Jennings
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bears
Dear Pat,
Regardless of whether you waive the fine or not, and despite conditional terms added to reassert authority, I will continue to secure trash correctly. Not because it is a rule, but because it is a logical rule to follow. Despite my continuing doubt as to the ability of bears to plan and execute manoeuvres requiring SWAT team precision, I will also do so regardless of the time frame between deposit and collection. Not because it is a logical rule to follow, but because it is a rule.
How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.
Regards, David..
From: Patricia Jennings
Date: Friday 8 October 2010 5.24pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bears
Agreed.Currently 2009 Disco 3 SE, 2013 MY D4 HSE and 2016 D4 SE
Previously:
TD5 Defender 110 CSW (230k miles)
300TDi Disco 1 (289k)
4 RR Classics (300-350k each, 2 manual, 2 auto)
110 V8 CSW (220k)
S3 109 hi cap pickup (ex RN)
S2A 88 Safari SW with lpg conversion (bloody lethal)
30th Apr 2020 9:23 pm
DG Site Moderator
Member Since: 12 Dec 2005
Location: The Gaff
Posts: 50951
Member Since: 26 Oct 2013
Location: Argyll
Posts: 2867
Pedant - I can put it in a frame for you if you wish!
(more seriously, it was supposed to contain the photos of the bear/dog but they got dropped somehow)Currently 2009 Disco 3 SE, 2013 MY D4 HSE and 2016 D4 SE
Previously:
TD5 Defender 110 CSW (230k miles)
300TDi Disco 1 (289k)
4 RR Classics (300-350k each, 2 manual, 2 auto)
110 V8 CSW (220k)
S3 109 hi cap pickup (ex RN)
S2A 88 Safari SW with lpg conversion (bloody lethal)
30th Apr 2020 9:33 pm
Moo D3 Decade
Member Since: 13 Aug 2010
Location: Wiltshire
Posts: 13953
waterbuoy wrote:
A bit of a long read but seeing as most of us have time to spare at present:
Exhausting but New Defender L663 110 SE (known as Noddy!)
Sold Volvo XC90 R-Design (known as Basil)
Sold - D4 HSE (Known as Gerty)
No longer the Old Buses original owner
231,000 miles and counting
05 S manual owned from March 2005
D4 Face lifted
Still original injectors and turbo
V8 Front brakes
BAS Remap, Allisport Intercooler and deCat
EGRs blanked
T-Max split charge
Hanibal Expeedition rack
Prospeed ladder
Duratrac tyres
IID BT
BAS FBH control
30th Apr 2020 10:16 pm
waterbuoy
Member Since: 26 Oct 2013
Location: Argyll
Posts: 2867
Currently 2009 Disco 3 SE, 2013 MY D4 HSE and 2016 D4 SE
Previously:
TD5 Defender 110 CSW (230k miles)
300TDi Disco 1 (289k)
4 RR Classics (300-350k each, 2 manual, 2 auto)
110 V8 CSW (220k)
S3 109 hi cap pickup (ex RN)
S2A 88 Safari SW with lpg conversion (bloody lethal)
30th Apr 2020 11:17 pm
Iguana
Member Since: 14 Oct 2013
Location: 'Sunny' Zomerset
Posts: 9402
Moo wrote:
waterbuoy wrote:
A bit of a long read but seeing as most of us have time to spare at present:
Exhausting but
Well worth the read, but needed to have a nap after that!
Iggy/Ieuan
Current LR =
2015 RR Sport Autobiography
&
1992 Land Rover Defender Camper
- Gone but not forgotten:
MY10 D4 GS
MY05 Disco 3 'S'
MY14 FL2 HSE manual in Blue
MY15 Disco 4 HSE Lux in Santorini Black
MY08 Disco 3 SE manual in Buck Blue
1960 Series 2 88" (No idea why I sold it!)
1st May 2020 8:44 am
waterbuoy
Member Since: 26 Oct 2013
Location: Argyll
Posts: 2867
Something a bit easier to digest:
This post has been edited by the site administration team Currently 2009 Disco 3 SE, 2013 MY D4 HSE and 2016 D4 SE
Previously:
TD5 Defender 110 CSW (230k miles)
300TDi Disco 1 (289k)
4 RR Classics (300-350k each, 2 manual, 2 auto)
110 V8 CSW (220k)
S3 109 hi cap pickup (ex RN)
S2A 88 Safari SW with lpg conversion (bloody lethal)
Pedant - I can put it in a frame for you if you wish!
(more seriously, it was supposed to contain the photos of the bear/dog but they got dropped somehow)
Can't be true. We all know Pat Jennings is a goalkeeper, not a council official.
2015 Volvo V40
2014 D4 HSE
2006 RRS - C'est mort. Fin... ...It's alive! Oh no, it's not - scrapped.
2019 Suzuki Kingquad 400
2017 RamRod Taskmaster 1150
1977 John Deere 2130
1st May 2020 11:40 am
astonbuilder
Member Since: 29 Sep 2006
Location: MIDLANDS
Posts: 8056
I have a couple of David Thorne books ('The Internet is a playground' and 'I'll go home then; It's warm and has chairs - the unpublished emails') and they are both excellent reads if you like the post by waterbuoy, highly recommended reads
1st May 2020 2:15 pm
astonbuilder
Member Since: 29 Sep 2006
Location: MIDLANDS
Posts: 8056
NJSSAm I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.
2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
1st May 2020 4:04 pm
rrhool
Member Since: 28 Aug 2014
Location: Norfolk
Posts: 4405
I've got a wiring issue Richard
D3 SE 2007. Triumph 2.5Pi 1973. Ferguson TEA20 1948.
Discovery 2 4.0 ES 2001- Gone
Discovery 1 300Tdi ES '95 - Gone
Range Rover Classic '79 - Gone
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
off. While testing the rifle last week, my offspring was definitely the latter. I have heard that the best way to protect yourself during a bear attack is to roll into a tight ball and cover your face but I am pretty sure a flame-thrower or a special suit that metal spikes spring out of when you press a button would be more effective. I have also heard that music soothes the savage beast but the last time I sang Whitney Houston's 'The Greatest Love of All' to my offspring, it had the opposite effect despite what I considered to be an excellent reproduction of her tonal range.
